Really. Not just the philosophical journey, but the real road. The one that gets me to work. The one that doesn’t become monotonous, but extremely aggravating. More and more each day. I listen to music that promises to be “uplifting” and I do laugh as I swear at the driver in front of me. I’m a New Yorker. We go fast. We are in a hurry even when we aren’t in a hurry. The speed limit is 35, which means we go 42 safely without worrying about being pulled over. If you are going 35 or even 30 in that zone, you are a _____. Fill in that blank with whatever nasty words you can think of. I’ve said them all. Um, yeah, that’s me. being ever graceful.
What about your kids? They are listening to this? They are witness to your anger? Yes, yes, they are. And I am all too aware when my son told me last week: “Mommy, stop doing that. It’s not nice.” Even my seven year old knows better.
Do you want to know what I drive? Want to know if you are behind me? Oh, you’ve been behind me, in front of me, you see, I am not very different than many drivers on the road. But does that make it okay for me? Does it make it acceptable? NOOOOOO. I KNOW this, and I do it. My daily habit. How do I break this habit???
I’ve started by making up stories about the people in the cars around me. You see that one in the red Toyota? She’s unhappy, she would rather be with her kids all day and not go to work. That guy in the Audi? He’s got a lot of pressure at work and at home, and he’s just super stressed. Or how about that guy in the minivan? He’s happy, he doesn’t feel stressed, he’s just grateful for the day ahead. And I think, how am I contributing to all their days? Is my road assertion necessary? Am I gaining or losing in the grand scheme of things? And my kids, when they are in the car with me, do they really need this to be in their lives? I know the answer to all of these things, and now when I get in the car I think about this, and I can tell you it helps. It reminds me of who I am and who I want to be. I WANT to be a better person. I WANT to extend grace and mercy at all times even when it doesn’t feel convenient.
So, as I go, I will update you on this road of mine. I hope to keep it together otherwise you might be reading about me in the police blotter… 😉
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